Psychic Telephone · 59
Tanya
Not sure what Psychic Telephone is all about? Check out our first and second posts for an introduction to the project. Read our first post about Tanya here.
Tanya finds that with psychics, they’ve often been invalidated so much. That feeling of, she’ll just call it being weird. Like, I must be weird. If I’m seeing this and other people don’t see this. She herself grew up in a household with a lot of unexpressed energy, unexpressed emotions. It was a tense household—she’s a child of divorce. So she wouldn’t call it the most loving household. And there were a lot of things going on in the background that she didn’t fully understand, because no one was talking about it. She’d walk in with her second chakra wide open, because that’s your emotional center. Feeling the emotions of everyone in the room. Trying to figure out if her mom was angry, if her dad was unconscious on the couch. And Tanya kind of knew things, and would say things, that were denied most of the time. Her psychic ability, her sensitivity to what was going on, was not validated. In fact, it was invalidated. She was labeled the “bad kid,” kind of the black sheep of the family.
So when she was taking the classes and developing her intuition, it was powerful. It was like, This is real, this is real—like, I hate to say this, but I’m not the crazy one here. She realized she could perceive what was going on without people telling her. And also that she didn’t need other people to be honest with her in order to know that she was understanding the situation. Because there are always liars who are like, I’m not lying! Just like with her mom. Tanya thought her mom would always tell her the truth. But, you know, she didn’t. And some of it, she’s sure, was that her mom didn’t want to burden her. But yeah. She’s been taking classes for twenty years now, she’s an ordained minister in this system, and she’s still identifying where her mother’s energy is, where she takes on the invalidation.
She’s also still learning how to let go of her fear, her guilt, her anger—anger is a big one for her. You know, a lot of her work, being in community development and urban planning, was like, I’m gonna defend the downtrodden! She never realized that she felt herself to be downtrodden, or mistreated. In the environment she was raised in, constantly taking care of the adults around her, she felt she was always responsible for everyone’s pain. Because she thinks that’s common for sensitive people, feeling responsible. And the truth is, they’re not! They’re not. But that was a hard lesson for her to learn—what she calls her boundaryless, out-of-control healer self. Like, Tanya, you gotta stop enabling. You gotta stop fixing it for everyone.
And she’s still working on how to switch into another level. How to transform or even transcend things. When she moved back to Texas, the first job she had, doing community development, was for the Federal Reserve Bank. She was hired from the Dallas office, but she was based in San Antonio. And she’s always really honest about her spiritual work—like, This is what I do. This is who I am. This is my web page. But when she got to San Antonio, it really freaked them out. They saw it as way too weird, way too out there. They were not okay. And they made her—they requested that—she take her web page down. It was not a good situation. They couldn’t make her do it. That’s illegal. Because she wasn’t in competition with what they were doing. But she did it, because she knew she was leaving. She was already on her way out, looking for other jobs. But that’s something she’ll never do again.